Developmental Phases of Childhood (based on object-relations theory):

1. Symbiosis (first year) – child forms a secure attachment to the primary caregiver

Maladaptive adolescent-adult relational pattern – overly dependent on parent or caregiver and unwilling/unable to establish healthy autonomy

2. Practicing (second year) – the child begins walking and begins feeling a sense of “omnipotence” without internalized rules or boundaries (toddler phase)

Maladaptive adolescent-adult relational pattern – disregard for rules and boundaries, minimal sense of empathy, and accentuates autonomy from pro-social authority

3. Rapprochement (third and fourth year) – dilemma of need to exert autonomy, while yearning for the security of primary attachments

Maladaptive adolescent-adult relational patterns –   wishes to enjoy freedom and autonomy, as well as the security provided by caregiver(s), “wants to have their cake and eat it too”

Without achieving the “depressive position”, the child retains a fractured sense of self and remains in “object relations”:

4. Object relations – constant anxiety in needing to “control” all objects in their life, use of temper tantrums to get their way, lack of empathy for needs of others

Maladaptive adolescent-adult relational patterns – hyper-vigilant need to control or “destroy” all relationships, “splitting” of world between extremes of good and bad, often unable to function in groups or on teams, rigid and unable/unwilling to modulate personality according to needs of the situation, inflated public self and private self-loathing, inability to function in structured environments as a youth and in adulthood will often gravitate toward the most structured institutions (military, incarceration, etc.)

When the holding environment is able to establish the “first disappointment” and control “omnipotence”, the child achieves the “depressive position”, and is released from the anxieties of object relations, and transitions into “object usage”:

5. Object usage (begins in preschool ages and established by ages 6-7) – internalized sense of limits and boundaries and willingness to modulate one’s personality to meet the needs of others

Adaptive adolescent-adult relational patterns – internalized structure for navigating a spectrum of relationships (objects) – family, peers, school, authority, etc.