Need for a secure primary attachment from birth to age 3:

• Mirroring: repetition of sounds and movements
• Nurturing: encouragement and care
• Emotional intimacy: to love and to be loved
• Internalized model of a secure, nurturing relationship

Without a secure primary attachment, a fractured sense of self develops, which usually involves a battery of “hemorrhaging” coping strategies to give life-support to the withering self. These usually involve hyper-aggressiveness, hyper-sensitivity, and a need to either control or “destroy” all relationships.

In early/middle childhood, the fractured self will present with many of the following markers:

• Fidgety and restless
• Out of seat and off-task
• Inattentive and distracted
• Unprovoked bullying of others
• Fits of temper and anger that are out of the proportion to the situation
• Loud, demonstrative behaviors
• Sarcasm/putdowns
• “Splitting” (extreme love or extreme hate)
• Sexualized references and behaviors
• Inability to work in groups or as a team member
• Grandiosity or depressive persona

In adolescence, the fractured self will present with more problematic coping strategies:

• Alcohol/drug abuse
• More severe acting-out behaviors
• Separation from parents and school
• Juvenile delinquency/criminality
• Intensely romantic/sexualized relationships

ADHD and medications: If a student exhibits the above behaviors in a class setting AND NOT in one-on-one sessions with an adult, then a diagnosis of ADHD may be more likely.

Strategies for working with students with a fractured self:

• Set firm limits and boundaries
• Avoid personalizing the behavior
• Use proximity when engaging the student
• Maintain a warm presence in the face of acting-out behaviors
• Do not allow the behavior to “destroy” the relationship
• Early on, the student is more skilled at acting-out behaviors and destroying relationships than the educator is at coping with this relational pattern